veganhothead: (fuck off)
your moping table is ready.

I'm hung over from my sister's bachelorette. And more than a little hurt, angry and disappointed (and only 50% in myself).

I won't rehash. I really don't want to.

But why the hell do I continue to love people with such intensity when I only get maybe about ten percent of that back?

I'm bracing myself for a rough fall.
veganhothead: (Default)
After waiting for months for a friend to help me, I finally said "enough" and assembled that cat tower I got the bebes for Catmas ALL BY MYSELF!!!

The instructions were as stupid as I remember but apparently my head is less cloudy now that spring has finally sprung.

The cats are still a little unsure though Maggie crawled into the cubby hole for about three seconds and Pip was playing with the mousie toy a few minutes ago. All in good time.

Time to celebrate with a little Mothers Day treat!

Happy Mothers Day to all the amazing moms who still frequent this place.

veganhothead: (pic#913934)
I'm still aching from my tragic fall the other day but at least my knee is a lovely shade of purple.

I've spent most of the weekend meditating, being stoned and watching TV. And some light stretching when I can manage it.

I gotta do something to feel pretty again. At least spring is coming so I can start breaking out my prettier clothes. I think I'll wait a month before thinking about a pedicure.
veganhothead: (Artie hand of god)
Thanks SB!

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Eighth Level of Hell - The Malebolge!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Purgatory (Repending Believers)Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)Low
Level 2 (Lustful)High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)Moderate
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)High
Level 7 (Violent)High
Level 8 - The Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)Moderate

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test
veganhothead: (John Fashion Police)
I took some of my birthday money and made a BPAL purchase for the first time in forever.

I am dangerously low on my beloved Bordello despite using it only on special (and sexy) occasions. I'd forgotten how much I just loved the smell of it and decided that lack of special or sext occasions or not, it should be my signature scent again.

So I ordered two bottles along with one each of Aunt Caroline's Joy Mojo and Blood Rose. I had to make it wortwhile to justify the $21 postage.

I was curious, what scents make you salivate? Roses? Vanilla? Coconut? Graveyard dirt? Gasoline?

Just being nosy.
veganhothead: (fuck off)
Or is it the sick?

Either way just as my boobs start to slide off the face of Earth a walk through a snowy Kensignton Market is making my knees smart. I already was having trouble with the left one. I really wished I had a cane or someone to carry me today. Must strengthen my quads.

In better news, my new bag arrived today:

I have a feeling it won't be the last I get from that company.
veganhothead: (Default)
I smell like the yummiest bonfire ever, and there are lots of leaves on the ground. The air is crisp but not chilly. I am feeling the fall today.


So I went to a party on Thursday, dressed as a JKR-ish witch. I had my gorgeous velvet cloak, my cool red hat and Olivanders wand and as I waited for the streetcar to take me home, a couple of young guys passed by and one of them said "that's a great looking witch!" and I detected no sarcasm or pity. That was nice.

It was the first time I've celebrated Halloween since the year before Tiffany crossed the Rainbow Bridge. Twelve years.

Dare I hope I'm making a comeback?


Damn Rob Ford delayed my stories with his press conference and didn't even have the dignity to resign. This is going to get interesting.


I joined the Toronto Compassion Center and have some nice legal grey area pixie dust.

veganhothead: (Spike&Giles)
There was a house fire just a few houses from mine today. There were four fire trucks, two police cruisers and an ambulance. I didn't linger because it would have made me feel like those people who slow down to take in car accidents, but it was something. I've never been that close to a fire before. Seeing all those people running around, the hose being brought out, smoke rising into the sky. I'm not sure how extensive the damage was (it's not like it was engulfed in flames) but that's someone's home.

It's got me extra cautious about making sure I blow out my scented candles before leaving the house.


Pip looks smaller when he's sitting in my lap. Sure, he's all curled up now where he would be sprawled out on the floor, but it's more than that. Maybe he looks all kitten-y when he's wanting affection, I don't know. He's all purry and warm.


Addy's got me into Cat vs. Human

It's not only adorable, it reminds me of how GOOD my cats are. They don't sleep on my head, eat my food, scratch or bite that angels!

veganhothead: (Default)
Out of nowhere, my right eyeball hurts. The white part you can't see, it feels like it's been bruised.

Mom (who worked for an optometrist for years) advised me to take out my contacts and get an eye patch and call her ex-employer Monday if the pain doesn't stop.

The only eyepatch for sale at the drug store was not the best quality. The elastic is not adjustable and does weird things to my face like squish the flesh above my good eye. I look like Quasimodo's sister.

Finally I couldn't stand it anymore and I'm hiding out in my basement apartment in my glasses. Bah! It's cold outside anyway. I've had to waste good absinthe (which has yet to produce a single flash of genius or green fairy but I think I just drank it wrong) on feeling less like crap.

The doc started me on Cymbalta for my fibro pain. Could the eye thing be a side effect?

Also, a nerve in the palm of my hand beneath my thumb is inexplicably twitching periodically.

veganhothead: (Default)
Well, after much worry (and cab fare), Maggie and I saw Dr. Koraknai (the good vet who took care of Pip last year) and I can breathe a sigh of relief.

After thotoughly checking her over (and re-checking), he concuded Maggie is probably just reacting to the constuction work going on in the house (and all over the neighborhood). Also, her teeth are "very good" and she's in excellent shape for a girl her age. She's down about a pound from last year, but it's been so warm and humid that it's not surprising.

I felt a huge weight magically leave my shoulders I was almost happy to turn over close to $60 to the vet. Sure, Maggie was pissed at me for a few hours (she wouldn't even touch the catnip stick I got her for the ride home) but I think she loves me again.


My feedback from CBT doc was all good. I'm down a whole level of depression, so, yay!
veganhothead: (Default)

This makes things easier financially and I got a decent lump sum in arrears...

-...which is a good thing because I have to make another trip to the vet, this time for Maggie. She's been sneezing the past couple of days. Not constantly, but as she rarely sneezed in her nearly thirteen years it concerns me. She's also occasionally making a sound that sounds like a cross between a sneeze and a sigh.

I have an appointment for tomorrow because I don't feel good about waiting especially since Labor Day weeekend is coming and if it turns into something worse, my only option is emerge and I'd rather not go there.

She's also due for a check-up.

Maggie vibes would be much appreciated.

-Pip's ear seems to be better *fingers crossed*

I really need my kitties to get better because all this worrying is keeping me up at night and making my skin all gross.

-I have my personal feedback session for my CBT group in a little over an hour. For some reason I'm a little nervous. Or maybe that's just crossover nerves from worrying about the kitties.

-I think a trip to the liquor store is in order.
veganhothead: (Default)
I can't remember how to do a cut. I apologize. Suggestions are welcome.

Hello friends,

I hope you’re all enjoying what’s left of the summer.

I’m writing to you all at once because there is something I need to address. A few of you are already aware of it but you may not have seen me or heard from me for a long time. I need you to know it’s not because I don’t like you or I don’t want to go to your fun parties or talk to you. It’s because I’ve been ill.

I have Fibromyalgia. I’ve had it for about six years but the symptoms have become really severe over the past two and I was only diagnosed last year. This was after years of trying to get doctors to listen.
I didn’t want to make this letter too long. This link explains what fibromyalgia is and what people with fibro have to deal with better than I can right now. Not everything written applies to me but most of it does. Please take a moment to read it.

I will briefly explain what this means for me personally.

I get “fibro fog,” which makes concentrating and remembering things extremely difficult. Sometimes I have trouble remembering simple words. This is very bad, especially if you’re a writer. So I can’t write like I used to.

I also can’t do yoga like I used to or do cardio kickboxing because overexertion makes my condition worse.

Being in pain all the time really saps your energy, to the point where simple chores like vacuuming or going to the doctor can wear me out. Sometimes I’m too exhausted to speak.
This makes it hard to socialize or do things like attend demonstrations. For me, this is the hardest part of fibro. I miss out on a lot of great stuff and often it’s like I have no life at all.
I don’t look sick. I look tired a lot, sometimes I can’t hide the dark circles under my eyes but otherwise fibromyalgia is what’s referred to as an “invisible illness,” which makes it hard to be taken seriously.
Since I was diagnosed I’ve been slowly learning how to navigate this illness and managing it to the best of my ability. I’ve had to stop working and go on ODSP because I simply can’t work anymore. I’m currently attending a fibro group at Toronto Rehab, which is helping me deal with things.

I’m sorry I didn’t let you all know sooner but it’s been hard to deal with and it’s even harder to explain, especially when you have trouble finding words. For a long time I was at a loss as to how to let you all know.
Please know I’m not trying to make you sad or looking for pity. I just felt that you deserved to know. It really sucks to be going through this and I’m pissed off over what I’ve lost. But it’s not contagious and it won’t kill me.
I still care about all of you and I hope someday soon there will be a magic pill to make it all go away or at least I’ll feel well enough to catch up with you.
Be well,
veganhothead: (Default)
You, my lj friends (sheesh, it took me a minute to remember "livejournal!) have been privy to the shit that has been going on with my health for the past five or six years. I know you get fibro and the hell I've been through.

Not everyone does, though. And some of that is because I've been cutting back on my socializing and going to demos etc. so people I used to see a lot, some minor friends, just don't know about it. It's hard to explain to those who don't understand even if they are sympathetic. It's even harder to explain over and over again, when hell half the time I barely understand.

Soooo, I got the idea of sending out a Facebook message (because it's fast and easy and just about everyone I know is there) explaining that I have this icky syndrome and that's why I've been making myself scarce and not responding to invites.

The problem is my brain is not cooperating.

So I searched online for something that might help and came across this:

I figured I'd send out the link and maybe add some of my personal experiences just to...I don't know.

What do you think?
veganhothead: (Default)
I took Pip to see Dr. Clueless yesterday and he confirmed that, yes, poor bebe has earmites.

He tried to sell me on a heartworm pill and shot that was "a little more expensive" than eardrops that would have done the same job. Turns out it would have been about three times the cost, and since the visit itself was already costing me $50 (plus HST) and I had to factor in the cost of two cab rides, I went with the eardrops.

And you'd think he'd have cleaned out Pip's ear since he's supposed to be the vet but no he didn't. If my mind were clearer I would have requested it. He didn't even mention that the ear should be cleaned before starting the drops (fortunately I read the info that came with them).

Pip was not pleased about the cleaning or the drops (neither was Maggie), but he seems to be shaking his head less today and since he got snuggly with me this morning, I assume he doesn't hate me. I keep telling him the drops will make the ickies go away. But all he knows is his ear is feeling bad and Mummy keeps trying to put things in it.

Being a mummy is hard.

Poor Pip

Aug. 21st, 2013 02:12 pm
veganhothead: (Default)
It looks like my sweet Pip has earmites so I have to take him to the vet before they lead to something worse. Sadly, the only appointment available tomorrow is with the vet that Pip and I don't really gel with.

How the hell did this happen?

Poor thing is listless (compared to his usual jet-powered self) and keeps shaking his head. I've got to stay calm for him until we can get this sorted out.

So vibes for Pip and his mummy would be muchly appreciated.


Aug. 16th, 2013 06:44 pm
veganhothead: (Default)
I got the big SASE from Anvil Press containing my 30 pages from The Invisible Avenger, cover letter and a form letter begining "Dear Author" today. I think you can guess the rest.

I'm begining to think I might be better off self-publishing. I just need to get myself a big internet following and some Kickstart money. And that will take energy and brainpower I don't have.

Also I'm going through a BIG flare up.

Yeah, fine.
veganhothead: (pic#913934)
This is not the Summer of Lesly. Hell, I had a good spring...shit.

Maybe I should just stop trying. Maybe I'm trying to force myself to have this mythical, glorious summer and they just don't happen. Do I just remember them being so awesome as a kind because it was a time I wasn't in school or is it just being sick and poor?

Pfft, where's the Weed Fairy when you need him? The days are just crawling by.

I can't be going back to the dark place so I'm gonna have some wine and read or watch something funny.


Bad Dream School is mow Night School...for now. Except dreaming doesn't always happen at night. I need to stop nitpicking.
veganhothead: (pic#913934)
I had my third fibro group session yesterday and we talked about sleep issues. I think I was the star of that session because I was not only able to share what I learned from my sleep study, but I was able to warn the others that they needed to go to the clinic on College st. not that one on Eglinton because the former was better and they had a lot of experience with FM and CFS. Go me!

I got that bathing suit from Helen and had my first pool therapy too. It was like being in a very large, chlorinated bath tub. The exercises were something I might have done as a warm-up to more vigorous exercise five or six years ago and I was feeling slightly winded after. But I was able to just kind of wave at that thought as it floated by. And the water felt great. I need to find a heated pool in my part of town.

Still not completely back from the dark place. Shit, every time I watch Glee or hear a song from Glee or see an image of Cory on TV all I can think is "...dead?" Wow, when they get to episode 3 where Finn gets "written out" of the show it's really going to hit me that Cory and Finn really are gone and I'll lose it. What a piece of work is Lesly.

I have an urge to listen to Leonard Cohen. Which means I'll have to dig out my CDs from storage since I never did transfer them to itunes. I guess it's been a while since I've been in a Cohen state of mind. Time to get dusty.
veganhothead: (spikey)
So I went to a bit of a dark place for a few weeks. Not as dark as it could have been, but it took a lot of effort to get out and I'm still not completely back. But I'm still alive and as of a couple of days ago I am productive.

I started my fibromyalgia group a couple of weeks ago. I'm hoping Helen will come through with that swimsuit loan she promised me so I can partcicpate in the poor therapy this week. The physiotherapist says I can't do it naked. Not that I'd want to these days.

My CBT group is getting more and more interesting. I honestly think the skills I've learned about reframing situations is what got me through this recent dark period.

As for my goal of completing three chapters and a full outline of my MS, I'm just about finished with chapter two and I've outlined up to chapter six. And summer's only about half way over. Though you wouldn't know if from the back to school commercials that started in mid-July.

I'm still pondering titles for this new MS. Night School or some variation of it could work. Dark and Stormy Night School. Long, Dark Night School of the Soul.
But I'm not too worried about that yet. I'm happy to be writing again.
veganhothead: (pic#913934)
What a shitty week it's been. I won't depress everyone with the details, but it began with one of the stars of my favorite current TV show being dead, at 31 and just moments ago I had to come to the sad conclusion that my DVD player no longer works properly.

I'm tying very hard not to go to the dark place, but between the heat and shitty things happening to me the Universe is not making it easy.

I really hope the power at least stays on.


veganhothead: (Default)

September 2014



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