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veganhotheadI'm going back and forth between feeling numb to periods of weepiness. A few times I had full-on panic attacks. I know I have no choice in the matter, but I really, really don't want to move. The thought of having to find a new place to live that's anywhere near as comfortable and affordable as this one, well, it seems impossible. Not to mention the physical act of having to move when I'm already weak and tired is terrifying. Bloody hell, I just did this less than a year and a half ago.
And I dread having to uproot the kitties again, especially Maggie. She's just recently become more like her old self. She's been jumping on the couter and even up to look out the window recently, and she hasn't done that in a good while.
The other day I was sitting in my coffee shop and I got so worked up I had trouble breathing so I just went straight to my doctor. Thankfully he was able to squeeze me in and talk me down. It's like my brain refuses to accept that this is happening. I've been struggling just to keep my head above water and now I'm drowning.
As if that weren't enough a guy approached me at the subway and said "I think I know you!" with this dopey star-struck look on his face. At first I thought "is this the guy from the convenience store?" but then I realized in horror that I went on a pity date with him two years ago and he got way too attached and clingy to the point where I had to SPAM him.
So I pretended to be French and scuttled off the platform. I don't think he was fooled. I never want to date again.
Also, Rob's nephew Myles has confided in me that he's in love with his best friend (also a boy) and he's determined to tell him. I was very pleased and honored that he felt comfortable telling me he's bi (especially when he hasn't told his parents or his friends). But I'm also a bit scared for him. It's such a fragile age and he lives in a crappy small town where those who are at all different are not exactly embraced. I don't want to find out he's been beaten up or that his father (who came off as being homophobic more than once in my memory) has kicked him out.
Sheesh, I remember his dad shooting his mouth off years ago about the gay community and how perverted and deluded they are and thinking "it would be freaking hillarious if Myles turned out to be gay."
I want to be there for the kid no matter what, and here I am struggling with no sign of it ever ending. I dont feel like I'm grown up enough to be able to tell him anything useful. I'd be tempted to check into the old funny farm if there wasn't a freaking waiting list.
And I dread having to uproot the kitties again, especially Maggie. She's just recently become more like her old self. She's been jumping on the couter and even up to look out the window recently, and she hasn't done that in a good while.
The other day I was sitting in my coffee shop and I got so worked up I had trouble breathing so I just went straight to my doctor. Thankfully he was able to squeeze me in and talk me down. It's like my brain refuses to accept that this is happening. I've been struggling just to keep my head above water and now I'm drowning.
As if that weren't enough a guy approached me at the subway and said "I think I know you!" with this dopey star-struck look on his face. At first I thought "is this the guy from the convenience store?" but then I realized in horror that I went on a pity date with him two years ago and he got way too attached and clingy to the point where I had to SPAM him.
So I pretended to be French and scuttled off the platform. I don't think he was fooled. I never want to date again.
Also, Rob's nephew Myles has confided in me that he's in love with his best friend (also a boy) and he's determined to tell him. I was very pleased and honored that he felt comfortable telling me he's bi (especially when he hasn't told his parents or his friends). But I'm also a bit scared for him. It's such a fragile age and he lives in a crappy small town where those who are at all different are not exactly embraced. I don't want to find out he's been beaten up or that his father (who came off as being homophobic more than once in my memory) has kicked him out.
Sheesh, I remember his dad shooting his mouth off years ago about the gay community and how perverted and deluded they are and thinking "it would be freaking hillarious if Myles turned out to be gay."
I want to be there for the kid no matter what, and here I am struggling with no sign of it ever ending. I dont feel like I'm grown up enough to be able to tell him anything useful. I'd be tempted to check into the old funny farm if there wasn't a freaking waiting list.
