Tabula Rasa?
Aug. 29th, 2011 02:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
veganhotheadYou know your brain is not what it might be when an episode of Foamy the Squirrel kicks it into Deep Thought mode.
http://www.illwillpress.com/REBOOTBUTT22.html
I've been thinking about the past ten years. Granted, I can't remember as much of it as I'd like thanks to the stupid brain fog. But I've been pondering if I would actually want a do-over like Foamy offered Germaine. Would the sense of deja vu that accompanies the clean slate be enough to convince me to leave Rob sooner?
Yes, I've acquired (actually, earned) a lot of wisdom in the past decade (much of it in the last few years) but maybe if I'd smartened up about Rob, my parents and my numerous shitty jobs sooner maybe I wouldn't have had the excess of shit happen at once that the doctors believe triggered my CFS. Maybe I wouldn't be struggling so hard just to have the basics (after all, I stayed in school so I wouldn't have to work at crap jobs).
Bloody hell, I'm facing 40 and I'm living like a 20 year-old. True, lots of people are having a rough time right now. But I can't even see a way out of this. I've chatted with people online with CFS so severe that they're wheelchair bound or stuck in bed most of the time. And that didn't happen overnight.
And the other day I found out that the Environmental Health Clinic waiting list has gone from eight months to twelve. So I can't even get the help I need. It's ironic that I'm happier now than I've ever been. I wish I'd appreciated myself more and at least tried to live the life I deserved when I had the strength and the brain power.
But the odds of a talking squirrel coming to me with such a button are not in my favor, so...I just try and keep my head above water.
But, just out of curiousity, what would you do?
http://www.illwillpress.com/REBOOTBUTT22.html
I've been thinking about the past ten years. Granted, I can't remember as much of it as I'd like thanks to the stupid brain fog. But I've been pondering if I would actually want a do-over like Foamy offered Germaine. Would the sense of deja vu that accompanies the clean slate be enough to convince me to leave Rob sooner?
Yes, I've acquired (actually, earned) a lot of wisdom in the past decade (much of it in the last few years) but maybe if I'd smartened up about Rob, my parents and my numerous shitty jobs sooner maybe I wouldn't have had the excess of shit happen at once that the doctors believe triggered my CFS. Maybe I wouldn't be struggling so hard just to have the basics (after all, I stayed in school so I wouldn't have to work at crap jobs).
Bloody hell, I'm facing 40 and I'm living like a 20 year-old. True, lots of people are having a rough time right now. But I can't even see a way out of this. I've chatted with people online with CFS so severe that they're wheelchair bound or stuck in bed most of the time. And that didn't happen overnight.
And the other day I found out that the Environmental Health Clinic waiting list has gone from eight months to twelve. So I can't even get the help I need. It's ironic that I'm happier now than I've ever been. I wish I'd appreciated myself more and at least tried to live the life I deserved when I had the strength and the brain power.
But the odds of a talking squirrel coming to me with such a button are not in my favor, so...I just try and keep my head above water.
But, just out of curiousity, what would you do?
